When the Green Buds Burn - A Reflection on Boundaries, Burnout, Self

Delicate new growth emerges on a branch, showcasing the vibrant promise of spring.

Yesterday, part of our much loved local forest, usually a sanctuary of green at this time of year, was consumed by wildfire. Vibrant green buds beginning to open, unfurled leaves and ferns —full of life and promise—were scorched in a blaze that moved fast and burned  fiercely. Six fire engines were in attendance at it’s height to help battle the heat and flames. One remained overnight to dampen the ground and monitor the environment. Our forest being on fire struck a nerve. It got me reflecting.

A lone tree stands bare against a backdrop of dense forest, shrouded in mist that swirls like smoke.

This fire wasn’t just ecological. For me it mirrored what can happen in our inner world when we don’t tend to our boundaries. When we forget to nurture ourselves. When we keep giving without checking in. When we keep saying “yes” even when our body is whispering—sometimes shouting ''No!” Just like the forest, we can look alive on the outside, bursting with green, but if we’re not grounded, our boundaries are not protected, strong, one spark is all it takes. Burnout.

Gentle buds emerge on delicate branches, symbolizing the intricate forms of growth that require our attention and care to thrive without succumbing to burnout.

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are not walls. They’re the invisible edges where you or I end and someone else begins. They are the expression of what you are available for and what you are not. This might be physically, emotionally, financially. 

Without being aware of and managing our boundaries, we can become consumed —by others’ needs, expectations, chaos.  Even our own self-imposed pressure to be everything to everyone, and our internal values and narratives like ‘I need to help, to be available whatever the cost to myself’ chip away at our edges.

The Fire Within: How to Notice When You’re Out of Alignment

Before a wildfire, there are warning signs: dryness, high winds, rising temperatures, reports of people in the forest boundary, disrespecting the conditions of the dry forest floor, maybe dropping cigarette butts or using and leaving disposable barbecues.

Our bodies and minds also give us clues when our boundaries are being stretched or ignored. We may feel tired, frustrated, angry. We may feel sad, anxious, experience headaches or more frequent minor illnesses.

To help us notice and listen to our clues we can try this simple, mindful check-in:

• Pause and ask: How am I feeling? Is there anywhere in my life that I am feeling depleted, resentful, overwhelmed?

• Body scan: Sit quietly. Where do you feel tightness, heat, or heaviness? Shoulders? Chest? Gut?

• Name it: What might be causing these physical and emotional responses in you. Has a boundary been crossed for you — either by someone else, or by you? Are you overriding your own needs? Are you giving more than you have?

  
  

The act of simply noticing is powerful. If you notice something out of kilter with your boundaries you don’t have to fix it all at once. Just bring attention to it. 

If it helps you can capture your thoughts in your journal.  Sit with your reflections for a while and when you are ready consider the following question:

• What action could you start to take to manage this boundary?

Taking time to reflect and consider internally and externally to our world is important in helping us consider our boundaries and how best to manage them

 Saying No—Even When It’s Uncomfortable

A simple action we can take is to say ‘No’ to something in a way that is aligned. 

This might be saying ‘No’ to our own self talk and internal narrative, learning to manage it in a different way to protect our emotional resilience and well-being.

It may include saying ‘No’ to someone else.

Either can be hard to do if whether you are starting to try and change the habit of a life time or if you have become more recently depleted.

“No” can feel like like you are being harsh, uncooperative or a rejection. But really when communicated with thought and in the right way, it’s a way to say “yes” to honouring our own values, our wellbeing, our time. Learning to say no with grace and clarity takes practice. Here’s how you can begin to do it to help manage your boundaries with others:

1. Start small: Decline something low-stakes—a meeting, a favour, an extra task.

2. Be clear and kind: “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not available for that right now.”

3. Hold the discomfort: You may feel guilty or anxious at first. That’s okay. Sit with it. Watch how it passes. Watch how your strength grows each time you don’t abandon yourself and your needs.

A white fence delicately frames a vibrant landscape, illustrating nature's resilience and the protective barriers that nurture its growth.

Saying No to the Inner Narrative

This is where the boundary we need to set isn’t with the outside world – it’s with ourselves.  With the internal voice that says:

-        You are only valuable when you are doing something for others

-        You shouldn’t need rest it’s lazy

-        You have to push through and work harder or you are failing

These beliefs have power on us, they can form early in life and become deeply entrenched in us without us realising.  If left unexamined by us they can become the fuel for our burnout.

We can use mindful awareness of our thoughts to help us manage and reset our internal boundaries.  The way we can do this might look like this:

-        Recognising and catching the thought and gently questioning it: Is this true? Is this kind? Is it sustainable? 

-        Saying no to over identifying with achievement or productivity

-        Replacing self-criticism with compassionate realism: I did what I could today.  That is enough. I need to rest and recharge now.

-        Choosing rest over proving yourself

-        Re-aligning with your deeper values, not inherited or fear based ones

I know from personal experience that this takes practice.  Over time, saying no to your own internal pressure becomes a profound act of self-respect.  You begin to re-write your story  - not just about what you do but who you are allowed to be.

Every time you honour your boundary, it gets easier. Like any muscle, the more you use it, the more natural it becomes.

A dandelion clock gracefully marks the passing of time alongside blossoming bluebells behind a barbed barrier, symbolizing the growth of strength through gentle boundary setting.

Boundaries in Parenting: The Tender Burn

As a mother of teenagers, I’m deeply in the thick of learning where I end and where my children begin. When to step in. When to let go. When to say “no” not to control, but to support growth.

I’m finding this hard—really hard. There’s a strong pull to overextend, to fix, to smooth the path. But I’m learning that rescuing them from discomfort doesn’t always serve them. Sometimes, the most loving thing I can do is to hold a firm line and let them wrestle with it. To say:

• “No, I won’t do that for you.”

• “I trust you to work this out.”

• “I’m here, but I can’t do this for you.”

It’s uncomfortable. In that space, however, they begin to grow their own roots, their own strength. And I preserve mine.

Curious young heifers gather at the fence, their lively demeanour reminiscent of spirited teenagers, while the sturdy boundary ensures safety for all.

Nurture Yourself Like a Forest

Forests need time to recover. Our forest will recover, evolve and grow again after yesterday’s fire. So do we. To look after your inner landscape, consider:

• Daily check-ins: How am I feeling? What do I need?

• Scheduled rest: Put it in the calendar like any other commitment.

• Boundaries with technology, tasks, even thoughts: What drains your energy? What nourishes it?

• Surrounding yourself as much as possible with people who respect your boundaries, whose company you enjoy and feel energised by.

  
  

Newly unfurled ferns thrive in their lush forest environment, symbolizing the rejuvenating power of maintaining personal boundaries and nurturing inner energy.

If you have enjoyed the images I have taken and shared with you here, you may want to take your own images when you are out and about to consider and explore what boundaries mean to you. You can also use your photos to help you metaphorically capture and reflect on any changes you make to your boundaries and to track the increased peace and growth that you feel happening to you as a result.

You’re not being selfish when you protect your capacity. You’re being wise. You’re being sustainable. You’re protecting the green buds of your life before the flames start to flicker and get out of control.